User blog:BlueFrackle/Fanmade: Confucius vs. Socrates
Since we still have a whole week to wait for the real one, I decided to try writing my own version. Hope you enjoy it! Cast as I've imagined it: *EpicLLOYD as Socrates *MC Jin as Confucius *Zach Sherwin as Plato *KRNFX as Lao Tzu *Nice Peter as Aristotle *Timothy DeLaGhetto as Sun Tzu *Xin Wuku as Han Fei (cameo) Socrates's background: streets in Athens Confucius's background: a Chinese temple Plato's background: Platonic Academy Lao Tzu's background: Yin-Yang Aristotle's background: the Lyceum Sun Tzu's background: a battlefield Battle FANMADE RAP BATTLES OF WHATEVER!!! CONFUCIUS VS. SOCRATES!!! BEGIN!!! Socrates: So you call yourself a rapper, tell me: what is rap? While you think, let me show how Athens got in the map! I delve in irony but this one is just the best This time the sun has risen in the West You're getting beat like in Time Squad, but this time for a reason! This war will end with more blood than the Peloponnesian I'm Greek, you're geek, just a lowly ranch cowherd I got the Method to win and I school you for no charge, nerd Leave you outclassed and trapped as I just pretend I'm dumber While spitting fresh rhymes hotter than a Greek summer! You resigned, embarrassed, after your boss fell to temptation Imagine the journey you'll go into after your humiliation! The wise man knows he knows nothing but I do know one thing This time you're gonna weep on the same day you sing Confucius: Rapping king Kong Qiu is coming to stomp hard This bucolical, historical, rhetorical retard! A hobo pederastic gadfly who hates books: what an example! Quit making shoes for the fleas, go meditate in my temple Straight from Shandong, the Great Sage got the Analects Keep the tradition and the high morals that you better respect Your rap sucks! Confucius say: should be ashamed of that shit Exert some self-discipline and admit your defeat Shouldn't do to others that which you don't wish upon yourself You're like a bug-eyed gnome, I got the grace of an elf You married a girl forty years younger and you still complain? Create a paradox and taunt folks about things they can't explain? I'm a beloved teacher, your neighbors served you poison from a flower You're just a veteran stonecutter in desperate need of a shower Nobody can stand you nearby, you got no reason to be proud But I'm the K'ung-fu-tzu and I can kick you to The Clouds Plato: By Zeus, you were right, Socrates, this guy needs some education! Allow me to join and drop him to the ground like pankration! I'll sink you like Atlantis! With Plato you don't meddle This is like my Cave Parable: you see nothing but my shadow! Your rap's more flawed than Athenian democracy And your victory sounds as likely as your fucking meritocracy! You're in my Republic now, and it ain't no Greek spa I punch this paper bag hat and send this freak back to Dagobah! Within my Academy the rules are strictly clear Let none who hadn't learned battle rapping enter here I've seen more coherence from a drunken Alcibiades! And you still haven't been able to explain what rap is! Lao Tzu: The rap which has to be explained is not a true rap at all Time has passed for these sophists, so accept your downfall I got the Tao to get this done, besting me is a delirium I'm the Yin and the Yang, off to bring some equilibrium Taught Buddha and many others who became iconic What's going on between you two is far more than platonic My homeboy Zhuang dreamed he was a butterfly As Kong says, I'm a dragon rising up to the sky My mother wished upon a falling star so here I am to stay Rapping's natural to me, it just flows like wu wei I'm the Keeper of Archives, 13 times reborn But the less you speak the better, I'll just ignore your scorn Then win this battle so swiftly you won't even be aware Try to hold it but you already lost it beyond repair But don't worry, you can still enjoy the beauty of all things And learn to not mess with the author of the Tao Te Ching Aristotle: Shut up, you hippie mystic! This is a battle so be stricter Aristotle arrives to complete the Raphael picture My rhymes flow like aether; you can't compete with my Poetics You're just a Laozi soup drinker with no notion of aesthetics Hiking the stars with Yinxi like an Asian Dr. Who I got the antithesis to cook you like bird's nest stew! Your verse was even more laughable than The Tao of Pooh! When I asked about your fate the Oracle said "Lao who?" I got the empirical evidence to back my facts Get mounted on your buffalo and out of here, you quack! I'm the acropolis OG, invented literary criticism And when it comes to logic people still use my system Your Spring and Autumn will be over so prepare for the winter As I smash you like a rat, call you Master Splinter! I spit a river of gold, ask Cicero if you can't grasp it Like a ninja, I can smack a samurai master! Sun Tzu: Samurai are from Japan, you Greek asshole! Prepare to face the ace general from the times of Zhou I got the superior tactics to bring some lyrical violence You're nothing but a sexist fuck who knows no shit of art or science! You love to criticize others but you yourself ain't quite poetic Playing Obi-wan to Alex but you're just peri-pathetic! My teachings have been applied to war, sports and economy You're doing worse in this battle than in animal taxonomy! You spit more bullshit than your four elements theory so beware I craft a verbal trap and strike you when you're unprepared! I put the Army on the March as I Attack by Fire! I make warriors out of concubines while you play with a lyre! When it comes to punishment I'm harsher than Han Fei For if my commands are clear, I off those who disobey! A good general has five virtues, you three have nothing but dickery While for the three of us this battle was sure to result in victory WHO WON?!! YOU DECIDE!!! FANMADE RAP BATTLES OF WHATEVER!!! Cover Category:Blog posts